BLOG SHIFT.

So please alter your links.
I've had enough of blogdrive.

and for the second time tonight;
i do have a huge crush on you.

you put me in a spot.
how do you expect me to tell you that i've a huge crush on you on circumstances like that?
i would have to risk losing you as a friend, and i'm not prepared to take that risk.
stop forcing it out of me.

but anyway;
the cat, the curly whirly furry cat, is out of the bag.

whew.

its been a while since i've been bottling stuff up; and i dont like bottling stuff up because i keep thinking i might just fall off the edge of sanity one day and jump into the mrt track. because i'm plagued with problems and crises, and my dearth of self-esteem has very much been exacerbated since i entered jc. and it doesnt help that most people think im a jerk right now. honestly, i'm sorry if i had came across as evil, because i never meant to. so please dont take it to heart, and extend puerile enmity.

my world has changed. officially, if not already declared yet, i hate myself. is it in my nature to be so damn freaking irritating that i irritate friends-for-10-days-so-far and they forsake me and leave me in a forlorn state? (oh yes i'm not pissed with you, by the way. i think i'm more pissed with myself.) AHHH COMPLICATED MIND. and is it in my nature that i'm not able to do pull-ups and run 2.4km? but frankly, i dont hate myself more than i hate sms dao-ers. this week, i've been daoed (in the sms sense, or otherwise) for 6 times, by miscellaneous people. even missed calls are not that bad.

okay, freak. i know you hope i'm not referring to you; but too bad i am referring to you. who else could i be referring to? look left, look right, look around. i dont have much people around me you know. i couldn't be referring to someone else.

so you are the prime suspect.
(and who cares about wearing red tomorrow, huh.)

counting my steps (to you), yet i feel like retracing my footprints and relish forgotten memories, that once were idyllic and dabbed in sweet rainbow colours. haha. okay, maybe not. BUT MY LIFE IS IN GREYSCALE NOW. on a downward trend, at least. if i had said life 10 years ago was better, then in 2015 i'd probably be saying the same thing.

BLEH. no, no no. i cannot keep going on in sheer pretence.
my blog's so weird.

instead of going on and talking about playing pool with OG today at some-corner-in-singapore, i keep on whining and grumbling about life sucking.
seriously, its hard to imagine life can suck this much.
but when you're me, everything's possible.

(hehhehehehheheheh.)

basically i was telling my dad about the four main classes of people in this world.

bimbos - got looks, no brains.
geeks/nerds/muggers - got brains, no looks.
slut - got looks, got brains. (think: omg he's such a slut.)
loser - no looks, no brains.

and needless to say, i'm the fourth class. (wheehaha.)
at dhoby MRT today, i rushed into a train, and asked, HEY DOES THIS TRAIN LEAD TO DHOBY?, foolishly thinking i was at somerset.
was that blindness or blurness?

(points de suspension.)
that's french btw. it means dotz.

i'm going on rambling like an asylum escapee. i spent 28 bucks at coldstorage just now buying snacks and drinks. somebody please defenestrate my spendthrift ways, thank you very much.

as you like it.
i want (need) a better life.

so give it to me, baby.

oh my goodness.
fuck off my blog. dont come here. go away. screw off.
i'm in a crisis and all you know is to come here, gloat, and rejoice that you're not in my scenario.
go to hell, fucker. those who jeer, those who sneer, those who pretend to befriend, yet curse in the dark.

i hope it all comes back someday. it will. and you know it. it will.
fuck you stupid bitch.
fuck you.

I HATE YOU SO SCREW OFF.

and rumours do spread like wildfire. i'm staying away from you, whether it's against my will or not.
i dont know how to spend my 3-hour break tomorrow. i could have gone counting stars on a cloudless night.

i dare not stare in your eyes.
i dare not communicate with you directly anymore.
i dare not lose sight of you, for i dont know when i'm going to see you again.
i dare not sit near you.

i dare not.

which is worse;
in-your-face rejection or
skulking in a corner, masking your affections, with her not knowing it at all?

everyday is a harrowing emotional rollercoaster, and i'm seriously mentally fatigued. :\
there are a lot of things i wished i could get, but they never arrived.
my brain is bursting forth with stuff i ought to spill out to someone.

and;
people still think i'm gay, and muttering too much crap.

go away.

Dear Mr. whoeveryouare,

I write to you in desperate plea for a class transfer, albeit for a ridiculous reason. You probably already received thousands of appeals for class transfers. and i know chances of a switch is very low, but i'm still going to give it a shot.

So, uh, this is the truth, and nothing but the truth.

There's this guy in my Secondary school who's at loggerheads with me, and would find ways and means to torture me and make life difficult for me. And he isn't the only one. I cannot survive another day with him, let alone 2 years.

In a bid to alter my studying environment for the better, I need to change my class, seriously. My classmates are hell, and they make studying not conducive for me. And might I mention they're a noisy bunch of losers.

Please, do me a favour. Your little bit of trouble would mean a lot to me, and I beg you to switch me to either 1S03A or 1S03N. Remember, all that you're doing is for the betterment of my grades, ie. promotion of better academic progress.

To summarize the above, i hate my class. So, uh, change my class dammit.

Benjamin Tay (1S03D)
(PS: And if you need me to kiss your ass or anything for extra credit, i'd willingly do so.)