i'm terribly misunderstood, and i probably brought it upon myself, or at least as you would like to put it. now whoever hangs out with me would be an utmost embarassment, and when i talk to zhaoyu i'm referred to be talking to "my kind".

i'm straight, duh. and i see no point in clarifying here, but my reputation is getting more and more infamous, and probably half the batch now knows me as the sissy shitface, and i dont need to prove you wrong, but please stop spreading rumours thanks.

and you, dont gloat at my situation. i dont need you to come here and tell me that everyone out there thinks i'm not straight, and i dont need you to rub it in either. so stop delivering unwanted comments and being an irritating ass.

goodness, girls, stop calling me your jiemei. i'm not.
and hanging up with you all doesnt make me your jiemei either.
i know i might act gay, but real gays dont show themselves.

i realize i'm almost always the loser in every possible situation.
what the hell, its the nadir now.

i almost always end up as the last person to send an sms in a mobile phone convo.
and im supposed to not have such low self-esteem, huh?

im at my minimum point.
so shut up.

and screw off.

i need to take a deep breath or two, fling open the windows, and feel like the world is still full of fresh air, bereft of traffic cacophony and polluted carbonmonoxide shit, with puffs of fluff floating above and past lush wheatfields and verdant pastures, where everything is so fine, so i can indulge in whatever joy there's left of life.

okay that only occurs in dreamland.
now crash back to reality.
harsh, hard, cold-faced truth. and truth remains truth, so face it benjamin you're stuck with a plain irritating class you wish to get out of.

and i'm not alone.
so let's think of plausible solutions to disentangle myself from this trouble. class transfer. liansheng says i can consider taking AO chi for the sake of a class transfer, and i don't mind actually.
but shenting seems to beg to differ.

i really abhor my class. and please, i'm beyond consolation.
my OG is perhaps the only thing i can seek solace in, but as we split our ways they find better friends, and i get flung behind, waving my hands in helplessness, drowning, watching them bid farewell without any backward glance.
okay, so maybe they're not that.. err, heartless but truth remains that they're gonna find better classmates and an OG can never remain an OG forever.

so stop insisting on naive ambitions.
and crash back to your bloody scenario, and spend those bloody 2 years there.
heck, and don't care that much.

i dont know where all my damned luck has gone, but i hope it returns somehow.
okay, whinewhinewhine. mahh class is supahhh irritatinnn.

breathe, benjamin.
its not that bad.

and pray everything's gonna be alright.
though it wouldnt be.

but pray.
pray.

So wrong, everything's so wrong. I've been going through such wrong stuff I don't know what's right anymore.

Seriously, am I asking for too much?
Stay, before the stars stray.

i am sorry for that outburst but its true. it hurts to be envious all the time.
i just wanna scream.

i ought to wonder where all my luck has gone.

IM FEELING ULTRA DEJECTED AND NOTHING CAN LIFT MY SPIRITS UP.

CHONGREN GOT DWAYNE IN HIS CLASS. AND BRYAN SHUXIANG GLEN?! WHAT THE HELL> AND WHY THE HELL AM I SUBJECTED TO SUCH MISFORTUNE ALWAYSSS MY LIFE SUCKS AND I CANT EVEN GET A CLASS TRANSFER WHAT THE HELL I HATE MY CLASS THERE ARE STUPID PEOPLE THERE WHO ARE SURE TO DISRUPT CLASS AND IDIOTIC LAMERS AND BENGS THAT APPEALED TO GET INTO RJ DAMMIT I NEED TO FORM AN INTER-CLASS STUDY GROUP AND PEOPLE IN CHONGREN'S CLASS AND KENNY'S CLASS ROXORS AND IM LIKE SUFFERING HERE IN MISERY FOR THE NEXT TWO DAMN LONG BLARDY YEARS. HELLLL. MY CLASS IS LIVING HELL AND EVERYTHINGS WORSE WHEN I KNOW MY FRIENDS GOT INTO ULTRA COOL CLASSES AND IM STUCK WITH STUPID FUCKING CLASSMATES NOT TO MENTION OF THE DEARTH OF GIRLS IN MY FUCKTARDISH CLASS. YOU KNOW HOW PITIFUL IT IS TO EVEN THINK THAT IM STUCK WITH THIS BUNCH OF DUMB LOSERS FOR THE REST OF MY JC LIFE.

LIFE SUCKS/

well then, thanks for nothing. i'm a powerless pawn subjected under your puissance, and every step i move is towards your victory and my damnation.

goodbye, OG.
hello, nightmarish class. thanks for making the next 2 years hell for me.

And now life resumes in a vacuum. And meaning what you say doesn't mean saying what you mean.

So as all good things come to end, all bad things too.

Dreams dabbed in shades of purple... sounds bimbotic. But what the hell. Absence makes the heart fonder, and semi-absence makes the heart... semi-fonder. At least I'd still see her around. But I'm still walking on air.

Yesterday was the saddest occasion ever. Reflections time followed by birthday cake (aww, it's Dwayne's today), then Chucky which was less scary yet more retarded than expected. No blog entries yesterday since the movie stretched till 2.08am and then I went home only at 2.45. In fact, I was trying very hard to keep my eyes open during Chucky. CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT. Amidst all the intestines-spilling, acid-scorching, knife-stabbing, girls-screaming, fire-spraying action, I SLEPT.

And freak, I thinked I turned out less (insert adjective) than the girls, so it was rather...(insert adjective) sitting next to wenjie.

Eek.

My OG and class are two polar extremes, two different worlds, two contrasting realms. I can't bring myself to the fact that my OG has ended, closed chapter, and then I have to face my class for the remaining 2 years. My class has BENGS. The girls are DAO.

That is so unlike my OG. Its the ultimate irony. Its something like OBS, bidding a painful farewell to my watch and opening another painful chapter to the less-than-exciting 3E/4E. And now I have to start from scratch again, treat my class like another OG, which is impossible because nothing can be compared to my OG it ROXORS.

Then again, cling on moderately, not extremely. 'Extreme' refers to Anybody wants to go out together tomorrow (Sunday 9/1/05). If u want,
pls suggest a place to
go.. thnx. We have our own lives to get on with, like it or not. We could meet at our k'cove daily if you want, but its naive and self-deceiving. I said the same thing to my P6 class, we had decided to meet up every labour day, and look, noone turned up and everybody forgot about it.

HOLD ON HOLD ON that doesn't mean I'm more than eager to leave my OG. IT just means its overly-naive to insist that every guy turn up at our k'cove on monday and beyond.

This is so painful.
WHATT THE HELL IS WRONGGG WITH MY CLASSS.

and after looking at my class today, i realize i don't hate it. i abhor it --

IF I JUST BREATHE LET IT FILL THE SPACE BETWEEN I'LL KNOW EVERYTHINGS ALRIGHTTTTTT

we're running in circles again

Sker-roo off you're in no position to pity me. Badmouth me in the dark, huh?
I'll stab you twice as hard in your back.