its been a while since i've been bottling stuff up; and i dont like bottling stuff up because i keep thinking i might just fall off the edge of sanity one day and jump into the mrt track. because i'm plagued with problems and crises, and my dearth of self-esteem has very much been exacerbated since i entered jc. and it doesnt help that most people think im a jerk right now. honestly, i'm sorry if i had came across as evil, because i never meant to. so please dont take it to heart, and extend puerile enmity.
my world has changed. officially, if not already declared yet, i hate myself. is it in my nature to be so damn freaking irritating that i irritate friends-for-10-days-so-far and they forsake me and leave me in a forlorn state? (oh yes i'm not pissed with you, by the way. i think i'm more pissed with myself.) AHHH COMPLICATED MIND. and is it in my nature that i'm not able to do pull-ups and run 2.4km? but frankly, i dont hate myself more than i hate sms dao-ers. this week, i've been daoed (in the sms sense, or otherwise) for 6 times, by miscellaneous people. even missed calls are not that bad.
okay, freak. i know you hope i'm not referring to you; but too bad i am referring to you. who else could i be referring to? look left, look right, look around. i dont have much people around me you know. i couldn't be referring to someone else.
so you are the prime suspect.
(and who cares about wearing red tomorrow, huh.)
counting my steps (to you), yet i feel like retracing my footprints and relish forgotten memories, that once were idyllic and dabbed in sweet rainbow colours. haha. okay, maybe not. BUT MY LIFE IS IN GREYSCALE NOW. on a downward trend, at least. if i had said life 10 years ago was better, then in 2015 i'd probably be saying the same thing.
BLEH. no, no no. i cannot keep going on in sheer pretence.
my blog's so weird.
instead of going on and talking about playing pool with OG today at some-corner-in-singapore, i keep on whining and grumbling about life sucking.
seriously, its hard to imagine life can suck this much.
but when you're me, everything's possible.
(hehhehehehheheheh.)
basically i was telling my dad about the four main classes of people in this world.
bimbos - got looks, no brains.
geeks/nerds/muggers - got brains, no looks.
slut - got looks, got brains. (think: omg he's such a slut.)
loser - no looks, no brains.
and needless to say, i'm the fourth class. (wheehaha.)
at dhoby MRT today, i rushed into a train, and asked, HEY DOES THIS TRAIN LEAD TO DHOBY?, foolishly thinking i was at somerset.
was that blindness or blurness?
(points de suspension.)
that's french btw. it means dotz.
i'm going on rambling like an asylum escapee. i spent 28 bucks at coldstorage just now buying snacks and drinks. somebody please defenestrate my spendthrift ways, thank you very much.
as you like it.
i want (need) a better life.
so give it to me, baby.